Day 20 May Blog Challenge – U-Turns

Today’s May Blog Challenge is:

Day 20, Monday: Get real. Share something you’re struggling with right now.

I actually wrote this last night and am tweaking it this morning.  

When I read the topic – the words “right now” got my attention.  Like right now – not bigger picture stuff – but this minute as I’m typing this post stuff.  So without thinking too much about it – I’d say I’m struggling with the decision at 845 p.m on whether I should wash and style my hair.  I see that I have three choices 1).  take care of it tonight 2). take care of it before work in the morning 3). throw hot rollers in it in the morning.  Then I glance in the mirror and know option 3 will not cut it.   I swam a couple of times this weekend and my hair looks like a lion’s mane.  What I do know is that I definitely can’t go to work like this.

But then my mind takes a U-turn and heads toward the bigger picture stuff.  The stuff that’s not quite as safe and says, “Stop for a minute and let’s spend a little time HERE.”

HERE for me is looking at the past few days.  Days when it becomes pretty apparent that Life is Fragile.  This isn’t a new thought in my life but most days it is a shadow and I use it to remind me to look for the good and be kind to people.  Here are a few things that caused this turn-around in my mind: 

1.  My daughter was in a car accident – car is a mess – air bags went off – and this precious woman, my daughter, walked away and my heart sings with gratitude.

2. We lost a 23-year-old firefighter in Phoenix this morning.  There is a family (that watched him grow up) and his family of firefighters that are grieving tonight.  Life as they knew it has been changed.  So tragic and so close to home because we have one of these heroes in our family.  My son-in-law is a firefighter and I can’t help for just a moment think of how he puts his life on the line for his community.  Now he wouldn’t have it any other way nor would we because I’ve never known anyone that has been so designed to do this type of work.  He loves his job and we love and support him through the good and hard times.  He is called to be brave and to some degree we as his family are called to be brave as well.  We trust in his judgement, his training, the other firefighters who have his back and we give him into God’s hands as he leaves for work.

3. I haven’t felt so good this week.  Most of the time I manage my health issues but this week I think they managed me.  Sometimes the pain is exhausting.

There is something about putting these type of words down.  They cense to be just words and morph into a piece of our heart splattered on paper.  There is an ease to my breath as I type; and it’s as if the paper says “I understand.  Put these big feelings down on paper that are too big for you to carry. I’ll be your placeholder so that you can leave it and continue on.  Now – make no mistake – I really know that I am pouring my heart out to God and am taking him at his promise “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”

And I do feel lighter as I make the U-turn, and turn the computer off so I can go dry my hair before work.