This was written in 1998 and my now adult children were 14 and 10.  I was teaching a mentoring class called TwiG (Teach What Is Good) at Grace Community Church in Tempe, AZ which was created to bring the older woman (which I am now one of) and the younger woman together (Titus 2:3-5).   I recently shared this at a local MOPs (Mothers of Preschooler) group in April.  It was interesting to read my words 16 years ago. 

WHAT KIND OF MOM WILL YOUR KIDS REMEMBER? – February 4, 1998

 I always wanted to be a mom.  And after six years of marriage, both Jeff and I were in agreement it was time to start our family.  I’ll never forget the day I found out Tamara was on her way.  Oh- I wanted to shout the news out.  Calling the newspaper was not out of the question – this had to qualify as front-page news.  From that day on – the life that I shared with my husband was no longer my own.  My thoughts and decisions were now influenced by the startling revelation that someone would call me “mommy.”  Tamara’s outgoing nature brought joy into our quiet world.  Three years later a little boy who most always has a smile on his face and a hug ready joined our family.  Two children with individual needs both requiring a solid foundation of love to grow in.  I’m learning that there are extreme joys that cause the heart to soar in the land of motherhood.  And along with those highs also come gut wrenching, energy-sucking lows.  My children are God’s greatest tools for my growth – not just as a mother but in discovering my own strengths and weaknesses.  It is in the care of others that we face some of life’s greatest decisions – to pull close with our arms wrapped tightly around or to let go and let them fly, to laugh or to cry over a situation, to encourage in an area that is best for my child and not myself, and to allow them the freedom to fail to name a few.

What kind of mom will my kids remember?  Who knows?  I probably won’t know that answer until I sit around as a grandmother and listen as they tell their children about the times when they were growing up.  But I have some ideas of what kind of heritage I’d like to give them.  And I believe with God’s help, that we are what we practice to be.

Memories:  I want my kids to remember their mom laughing.  She didn’t take everything in life so serious.  She wasn’t so much of an adult that she forgot what it felt like to be a kid.  And, just maybe I might have a small degree of influence in teaching them what fun was all about. (Funny Slippers, birthday theme parties.)

Availability– I want my kids to remember that I was there to listen.  I was willing to put aside what I am doing when they needed to discuss something.  When they walked through the door from school, it was their time to tell me about their day.  They didn’t find me on the telephone or in the middle of a project.  For it is in the quiet moments of listening that our children can hug our hearts.  I remember  Evan curled in my lap, his little fingers tracing the outline of my face, saying, “Mommy when I draw your face with my fingers it is a heart.”

Home – I want my kids to remember that the house we lived in was a home.  It provided a place of rest from the outside world.  Not a fantasy land, but a place where they knew they were loved.

Boundaries – I want my kids to remember that I loved them enough to say “no,” to set limits on their actions and that there are consequences for their actions.  To learn that love is not all about sweetness that lets you do whatever you want.  As their mother, I was willing to do what was necessary for their best interest no matter how hard it was on me.  Hebrews 12:11  “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful.  Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

Marriage:  I want my kids to remember that I loved their dad and our marriage was very important to me.  And that when times were tough, I didn’t give up.   They saw their dad and I have differences of opinion and somehow we still loved one another.  That anything worth having is worth working for.

Value:  I want my kids to remember that I valued myself from God’s perspective.  I was able to model taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually so I could take care of them. 

Cheerleader:  I want my kids to remember that more times than not I encouraged them in their endeavors.  That they had permission to try something and it was okay to fail.  My ears and time were open to provide opportunities in areas that interested them and help them in areas that didn’t come easily.  Our motto:  A family is a team and that a team works together and pulls for each other.

Guidance:  I want my kids to remember that God guided their mom.  It was her time spent with Him that strengthened and sometimes gave her a shoulder to cry on and an ear to rejoice to.   For she was just an ordinary woman and she needed help in learning to be the mother God had called her to be.  Is. 40:11 “He tends his flock like a shepherd:  He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart, he gently leads those that have young.”

Chances are my kids will never express everything from the list above.  That’s okay.  I’m not trying to win The Best Mother Award of All Times.  I am however striving to be The Best Mom I Can Be for Tamara and Evan.  And when I have goals in mind, I can work towards those.  I’d rather that what good they remember about me as a mother becomes part of them and they’ll be able to pass it on to the next generation.

 TwiG/’98 – Debbie Hallock (All rights reserved)

I see a new project for me – What Kind of Grandmother Will Your Grandchildren Remember?  

I’d enjoy hearing your own goals as a mom/grandmother and hope that you have a lovely Mother’s Day.

 
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